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I really should have known this already but surprisingly it’s news to me.
People tell you that your relationship changes after a baby and you just nod. Maybe it’s a nod to say “sure, whatever you say” or maybe it’s a nod to just end the conversation. Maybe you think that it obviously won’t impact YOUR relationship because c’mon, you’re rock solid.
Well I’m here to tell you…
Having children changes your relationship. It really is a to be expected when you really sit and think about it. All life changing events also change relationships. It is just part for the course.
We never really dated. Not on actual dates. We more “couched”. That is to say we spent a lot time at each others homes, eating food we made (I made) and watching movies. That crap is free. (Minus the expenses for food)
And we were encouraged to take dates, actual ones, once Jude was here. We attempted to in the beginning and I discovered I’m bad at being away from my baby. Plus refer back to that expensive thing. So we went on maybe 3 dates the entire first year of parenthood.
As Jude gets older, we’re finding it’s necessary to go more frequently than that. We have gone one some free ones via disc golf but its also nice to really go out. Especially when your husband’s love language is gifts. So that’s what we’re doing. We’re dating again. Each other.
I feel grateful that our wallet situation has improved enough in the last 6 months that it’s actually possible to go out.
I would encourage all parents, especially new ones to take that hour or so and remember your first love. It’s really hard being away from your little but it’s also really nice to remind your spouse that they’re still important too. So go get ice cream or walk around a park and remember.
I’ve mentioned on here before that my anxiety post partum has been a persistent struggle. Of course, a level of worry is normal after having a child, especially your first but I haven’t felt “right”. I even got so concerned I looked in my DSM-IV to get an idea of just how bad this was getting. It’s not great.
So in an attempt to regain control and avoid therapy (Therapy is good. I’m stubborn.), I’ve been doing something a bit nutty. I’m looking my anxiety in the face and daring it to continue.
I’m doing something every day that I find scary. Something that makes my heart pound, my mind race and my compulsions flex. When I do them, I’m not allowing myself to indulge those compulsions as remedy.
Here is a brief list of what I’ve done so far-
–Let my child use chalk out front where people see him and those driving by can see the chalk marks
–Let go of his hand in the store for a few seconds
–Not wipe him completely down when he fell at a park with goose poop everywhere…did he get it on him? I don’t know
–Tell a stranger his real name and real age when asked instead of lying
–Sit at the other end of the porch while he runs the length of it
–Take a deep breath and go with it when he comes I’m contact with daily germs
So far, I’m noticing a difference. My heart is still pounding just writing these down but I know I need to be healthy. When I’m healthy, I’m better equipped to run my family so they can be healthy.
What scares you that you could face head on? Leave your comment below…
Sometimes in life, God will ask you to do a thing that scares you. A thing that you’re not sure you can do or want to do.
Today, that thing for me is nothing.
Recently, I’ve very clearly felt a push from God to “be”.
I’m ready for more arrows in our quiver. I have a deep ache to have all the babies. Their perfect little heads smell like happiness. Their squishy little bodies in need of constant snuggles. I mean c’mon!
In the midst of this obsessive desire to fruitfully multiply are the announcements. Surprise ones no less. (What even is a surprise pregnancy?) Oh, do they ever roll. It might be easier if I wasn’t in so many mommy Facebook groups and pages but being 95% extrovert, it’s actual survival. Each stings. Whether I gave it permission or not. No matter how happy and exciting it is and I am for that family. That twinge is there.
But I’ve been challenged. I need to just “be”. Live each day one at a time. Dwell on and seek out peace. Keep praying for God’s will and just exist in each moment. Perhaps this will change in the future but for now I need to “be”.
I’m tired. I only give 100% to things that live in my heart but I’m going to step back from this area. There’s far too much to enjoy right now to be focused elsewhere. I don’t want to miss out because I’m counting CDs or evaluating CM.
Until I hear otherwise, I’ll be here “be”ing.
My child decided to roll off the couch while fully awake and found the side table. With his face. His mouth to be exact.
Now hurting his mouth is pretty standard for him. As he was learning to walk, he fell more than once and bit his lip. I assumed that was the case yesterday as well. I grabbed him a cold wet paper towel to chew on and as he did and the blood was clearing away. I saw it…and I knew it was as too open.
I didn’t wait for the second opinion responses from my family. We loaded up in the tula and walked. (Hubby had the car at work and I told him don’t worry about leaving since I got the bleeding to stop). We had planned to go to urgent care since I try not to use emergency rooms unless it’s truly an emergency but they wouldn’t be open for another hour.
We got in pretty quickly and the doctor there confirmed my suspicion…it needed stitches. OK. We can handle this just fine.
Guys, watching and hearing your child get stitches is awful and traumatic (ok not clinically but you get the idea). He had to be in the “papoose” so he wouldn’t wiggle. He did not like that and screamed the entire time. They couldn’t use the numbing gel because of where it was, his mouth. So he got the numbing shot without and felt it…
Mommy hearts are only so strong.
Once the doctor started with the stitches, I had to sit down because I was going to black out otherwise. Not my best moment as I wanted to be strong for Jude. The nurses were great and talked to him in the moments I had to calm myself. But I still feel like I failed him.
Once it was done, he nursed himself to sleep, Micah picked us up for his lunch break and we went home. Jude signed more, which meant he was hungry. So he ate. Then he climbed on everything and was obviously unnoticed by the mornings events.
So he’s fine. He will have a scar but he’s good. I hope he doesn’t remember it later. It was sad but I’m glad I trusted my instincts.
The pictures make me nauseous so we will skip those.
It seems there are misconceptions about attachment parenting and gentle parenting.
Attachment Parenting is not…
1. Helicopter parenting
Helicopter parenting is not letting your children experience consequences or running in and saving them from every little thing. Which has nothing to with forming strong attachments.
I’m not sure where the notion came from that keeping a young child close and tending to their needs when they cried is coddling. I would lump “coddling” in with the no consequences group. This would be making excuses for regular bad behavior.
I wish this one would go away. You can spoil with material things. You can spoil with lack of discipline. You cannot spoil with love. Attachment Parenting (AP) is just one way to show love.
4. A trend
While it’s true that it’s picking up speed with the Internet, it’s not a new idea. All the major aspects of AP have been around since the beginning of time.
5. Dr. Sears fan club
Okay. So yeah he gets credit for coining the phrase but a lot of parents find AP is merely a title for what they instinctually would do. I’m one of those parents. I didn’t set out to be AP, it’s just what comes naturally to me.
Now here’s a brief list of what it is…
Attachment Parenting is
1. Instinctual for many people
Your child cries, you go to them.
You keep them close so you know their cues.
You want them to be securely attached so they grow up the best they can.
You want them to trust you and take it seriously.
2. A lot of smaller choices that lead to the bigger goal
AP is often described as the 7 Bs
Bonding at birth
Believing in baby’s cries
Balance (saying no when you should and taking time for yourself and spouse)
Being aware of baby trainers
I say it is a lot of smaller choices because not everyone is able to check off all 7. And that’s ok. Being mindful and making it work are still a part of AP. I know situations can be out of the parents control so I don’t want anyone to think they can’t AP if they want because of ABC. It’s not all or nothing.
3. One of many different ways to parent AP is a good fit for me but plenty of good and loving parents don’t subscribe to it or other methodology. There’s room in this community for all kinds. .
What are your thoughts? Do you feel line you are will be AP?