The alternative title of today’s post is “So many needles, so few body modifications”.
If you didn’t know, this week April 18- 24 is National Infertility Awareness Week. In “celebration” (question mark), here is an update. As of today, I am 52 shots down with a minimum of 50 to go for our IVF cycle next month. Many people are in triple digits. Then there are the needles for monitoring. During the stim portion of an IVF cycle, you go a minimum of three times for blood work. There are just always needles in my body right now.
On a very happy note, I got THE SHOT. I have had both rounds of my coronavaccine and I may or may not have an entire post for that but right now… just know… it’s needles all the time. For very good reasons… just always needles.
My belly is a pin cushion. My daily injection is a belly injection and I’ve started to forget which side I’m alternating each day because it’s all just a blur of sanitize, fill syringe, swab, inject… repeat….everyday. I don’t normally mind because it’s still better than all the dannngg pills, but I’m feeling extra salty right now because I ran out of my comfy needles and had to go up in size because that’s what I had on hand. The last couple of shots have not been as comfortable while I wait for more tiny needles.
I have been craving more ink and piercings because, what’s a few more pokes at this point. I will be waiting for probably a while but it’s been on my mind. One day. That was random…back on topic.
Even with as much work and weight as this process has been, we cannot forget how lucky we are to even have access to the medical treatments needed. So many do not. We wouldn’t have (again) during many of our years. We are lucky. That is not forgotten.
It is wonderful and painful.
Magical and mundane.
Agonizing and amazing.
The entire season of infertility (again) is full of contradictory feelings. As I continue to process both possible outcomes of this time around, I am pursuing peace. We do not have unlimited tries and can only coerce our bodies into so much. In either possible outcome, peace is attainable. So as I do shot 52 this evening, I will be praying for and seeking peace.
Join with me in sending prayers, thoughts, well wishes and whatever you’ve got for peace.
Thank you.
Mama at Heart 